for those of you who didn't know tracy and I broke up. right now we are still living together but we are broken up and she is seeing (or rather trying to see someone else)

i know she will eventually see this but i am going to say what i want to say anyway cuz that is my perogotive.

when she first broke up with me, I was thrown into turmoil beyond that of man. it sucked!! it took a lot of convincing myself of quite a few issues, all of which i am not going to say. I will say this,.... I am back in my oblivion in which i used to sit before she came along, only now, I'm a different person. all the rage and hatred is stronger, the need and want for blood and vengence  increased a hundred fold. I still love her. And thus far have kept myself from making a stupid mistake. I sit in my oblivion plotting against the world,... stupid world!!

i can't escape this hell, and its not like i haven't tried. i hate myself for what i have done to myself and to others. I also hate myself for what i haven't done. I deserve this pain so I shall relish in it till I die. And with the way things are going that might not be long.

she is trying to see this guy name been, many times have i thought to wait for him in the parking lot of his work so that he may feel my pain, but i guess its not really his fault,.... though that doesn't stem the feeling of waiting to bring him pain.

oh well eventually I will die, sometimes I can't wait to do so.